![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seeksadventure
Still following Seanan McGuire's Lover's Chain tutorial. The third step is the triplet, three lines with no fixed rhyme scheme. I am writing a love poem to a monstrous final girl. For simplicity, I am doing a standard ABA rhyme scheme.
Previous imagery includes a full moon on the rise, bloody skin, and defying death. I need to avoid a death rhyme because I've already used it, and as previously discussed, I'm avoiding certain common rhymes.
Free writing to go with previous imagery: torn clothes, sharp knife, bruised flesh, killing, running, lost, night, empty house, cornfield.
You wore a dress I love,starry silver, deep blue, full skirt swinging;
we danced beneath the bright moonlight.
Kiss me, you said, and I obeyed -- left you breathless, joyful, clinging.
I went back and forth on whether I wanted "full skirt swinging" or "swinging skirt," but in the end, I wanted the swinging-clinging rhyme. As much as I like the description of the dress, I thought some of the words slowed it down too much. We'll work into that more later.
It wasn't until I edited it out that I realized I had too many uses of "full" too close together, so full skirt has to become something else.
Finally, I decided I disliked that the narrator left the final girl breathless, joyful, clinging. It's far stronger a story to have them both so happy, so lost in each other.
Lover’s Chain
The moon rises, bright and full, and with it comes peace.
Bloody, bruised, you escape death;
Come, darling, rest, catch your breath.
You wore a dress I love, bell skirt swinging;
we danced beneath the bright moonlight.
Kiss me, you said, and I obeyed -- left us breathless, joyful, clinging.
Previous imagery includes a full moon on the rise, bloody skin, and defying death. I need to avoid a death rhyme because I've already used it, and as previously discussed, I'm avoiding certain common rhymes.
Free writing to go with previous imagery: torn clothes, sharp knife, bruised flesh, killing, running, lost, night, empty house, cornfield.
You wore a dress I love,
we danced beneath the bright moonlight.
Kiss me, you said, and I obeyed -- left you breathless, joyful, clinging.
I went back and forth on whether I wanted "full skirt swinging" or "swinging skirt," but in the end, I wanted the swinging-clinging rhyme. As much as I like the description of the dress, I thought some of the words slowed it down too much. We'll work into that more later.
It wasn't until I edited it out that I realized I had too many uses of "full" too close together, so full skirt has to become something else.
Finally, I decided I disliked that the narrator left the final girl breathless, joyful, clinging. It's far stronger a story to have them both so happy, so lost in each other.
Lover’s Chain
The moon rises, bright and full, and with it comes peace.
Bloody, bruised, you escape death;
Come, darling, rest, catch your breath.
You wore a dress I love, bell skirt swinging;
we danced beneath the bright moonlight.
Kiss me, you said, and I obeyed -- left us breathless, joyful, clinging.