Living a Life I Don't Know How to Live

I have been trying to post more regularly, though it is hit or miss.

Last weekend, Jake came up to spend the weekend with me. It was the first time he's stayed in my new (but not actually new) place. Usually, if we spend the weekend together, it's down at his house, because Dad's down there and Jake's siblings and Oldest Nephew and our friends and often Kris and Neal are in town. Plus the Hawaiian restaurant we love (Island Style) is nearby. We've been hitting it up for great food, excellent company (the family that owns it has basically adopted us all, and they are delightful), and karaoke. Occasionally, I even sing, though mostly I just record and cheer on the others. (Oldest Nephew is freaking amazing. None of us had any idea he could sing like that.)

Anyway, Jake came up here. Sarah and I had a Skype session and writing time scheduled, as we almost always do on Saturdays, and while we worked, he organized my apartment for me. It was AWESOME. He sorted out the boxes, put away the ones I want to keep, took the rest out to be picked up, moved stuff around, set up my kitchen, including my new blender, repotted plants, but in new daylight LED bulbs where I read and write, helped me unload my car -- all in all, just made the apartment cozier. Plus awhile back, Kris picked up a bunch of art supplies and storage for me, and I finally sorted everything into the boxes and have all that set up. I still haven't purchased my living room seating, but the apartment is coming together nicely.

One of the things he did was move these two small bookcases I have. I was using one for my Get Rid Of Somehow Books. Now I'm starting to fill that one a second time, and the other one is being used as my To Read bookcase. I, uh, have more books to read than I thought. There was a point in time when I'd read every book I owned. Not anymore. I need to put some sort of limit on my book buying until I read some of them. At least the physical copies.

I'm up to more than 100 days of consecutive writing. I've also given up soda, and have replaced the fizzy drink with sparkling mineral water (sometimes mixed with flavored tea).

Apart from the organizing and writing, we had some good meals, bought a ton of groceries for me, and went to see Pacific Rim at my new favorite theater. (It has a bar! And red leather recliners! And is generally AWESOME.) I enjoyed the movie a lot, actually, though I would have rather it not been such a white guy movie. I wish some of the characters had been swapped out for men and women of color. It was a fun summer blockbuster full of explosions and pretty monsters and I absolutely loved both Idris Elba and Rinko Kikuchi. Charlie Hunnam was fun too, though he was fairly Jax-like to me in the role.

I have managed to do some reading lately, and I should do a post in the near future over books I've read and really enjoyed, because there have been quite a few.

Today I had a Skype session with Sarah, during which we finished our current edit of Woods. Now we each have a few more scenes to write, and I am still working on some of the description. It's almost ready to go out to first readers, though. Exciting. Tomorrow we're going to have another call. We may finish the outline for our next project then, so we can get started on writing something new soon. I then finished organizing art supplies, did some more sorting of books, and am sitting down to do more writing. I was going to cook a roast later, using a Kris recipe, but I'm still full from brunch (biscuits and gravy for the win!) and will probably just eat some fruit later. Tomorrow I'll make a roast, though. And some sort of chicken casserole thing.

This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth.org with comments. Read the original post there. Comment here or there using OpenID.

So my younger sister and her husband had their social wedding last weekend (they actually got legally married last summer), and I will talk about this more later, when I have pictures, but it's been awhile since I posted (anything at all, dude) something hilarious(1) | heartbreakingly sweet(2) | adorable(3) | full of the need for adventure(4) about my parents, so I thought I would do so quickly.

In case you don't know, my mom is very sick, and has been since the early 2000s (well, her symptoms really started manifesting then). When she first started seeing a doctor, they gave her basically no time at all, and yet she's still here. It's been this horrible roller coaster combination of will she live/will she die and slowly watching her die and her wanting to die and her not wanting to die and her being hospitalized and watching her broken body and her going into the hospital right before graduation and right before the bar exam and my siblings and me breaking down at different times and making plans for after her death for over a decade now, and it is hard.

Back in 2005, Mom and Dad had their 50th wedding anniversary, and my siblings and I gave them a second wedding, because they really didn't have one when they actually got married. Mom was strong enough then to walk down the aisle and dance a little, but not a lot. She's gone very far downhill since, and when she leaves the house, has to go in a wheelchair. (She doesn't walk much around the house, either.)

That may be the last time I've seen them dance; they used to dance a lot. They were good. They used to dance around the kitchen together, and put on music and dance in the living room, and Dad used to play the guitar and sing to her, to us all. (He's lost the dexterity and feeling in his fingers to do that now. Mom has, too; she used to play bass, and was learning violin. No more, though.)

I didn't cry during the ceremony, but I got a little bright eyed during the first dance, because you guys, my brother in law just makes her so happy, and she's my beloved baby sister, the Sam to my Dean, and it took us so long to be friends, and I just want such wonderful things for her. So a little bright eyed, but no actual tears, and I'm beaming at them while they dance, even though I normally find the first dance incredibly boring.

Then they invite everyone to join them. My dad starts to push Mom's wheelchair onto the dance floor, and okay, it's getting a little hard to see now, something's in my eye, maybe I should own waterproof mascara after all (but I never need it). Then Mom stops him, and slowly, so achingly slowly, stands up, holding his hands once she gets herself upright, and they walk out onto the dance floor together, and I am done. I started crying so hard I was pretty sure I was going to lose a contact, even though I couldn't stop grinning too. And they didn't dance they way they used to, all slick fun dance steps, but they held each other and they turned, and I was crying even when I got asked to dance (Me: Make-up? Jake: Little smeared. Me: Oh god, and it took forever).

My parents got up and danced together at my sister's wedding, nearly fifty-seven years after they got married, and I got to see it.



(1) See, also, this conversation:

Dad: You should write a story about warewolfes (which is basically how he pronounces it) bears. Bears like warewolfes. And moose! Vampire moose.
Jake: Vampire moose? Do they gore you instead of bite you and then lick the blood from the wounds?
Dad: Yes. Write this story for kids. A bedtime story.
Jake: That kid will never sleep again.
Carla: And mom wonders why I love horror.

(2) See, also, excerpts from things Mom and Dad wrote about me for law school graduation:

Mom and Dad put together one of those family ads for graduates. I thought I'd share the pictures with you guys. And an excerpt from their blurbs.

Dad: Carla is constantly seeking. Even as a 2 year old it was always “Tell me more, Daddy, tell me more.” . . . She has made any dreams I might have had come true. I didn’t get much formal education. But Carla has done it for me. She is my adventure child.

(Dude, could my user name be any more appropriate? My heart just grew ten sizes today.)

Mom: I taught her that books were adventurous and fun even before she could walk (as soon as she could pull them off the shelf.) I read to her every night even after she could read them herself. Being able to read is the foundation for all other learning.

(3) See, also, this picture of my dad in a St. Pat's parade: Link to a picture where my dad has the best grin.

(4) See, also, that time Dad made me want to clutch my laptop to my chest, I needed to hear what he had to say so badly: "[W]e will take off in some direction and ride til sundown . . . just a ride with nowhere in particular in mind as a destination. Just a ride to burn up gas, see things and accomplish nothing but have fun."

This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth.org with comments. Read the original post there. Comment here or there using OpenID.

Jacob has become addicted to Angel the Series. This is both good and bad, as he will now stop and watch it whenever he sees it on television, which is good for me, because I get to see episodes I haven't seen, but bad because he expects me to explain them all to him when he doesn't understand, and unlike when we watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, I don't know all of what happened in every season. So we both get confused.

However, this does mean that he won't have any room to complain when I buy seasons two, three, and five, so we know what's going on.

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( what's been in the mail and thank you notes )

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Stressed now, over paying bills and Jake being out of work and hating my job so much. Don't even want to talk about it, or how in the world I'm going to find the money to send the Berkeley application and fee this week. University of Hawaii, Manoa contacted me and I'm going to email the woman back and ask for a fee waiver, and Harvard's out, I think. The more I read, the less I want to actually go there, even though it was an honor to be recruited. I need to decide on the last two schools, then, and get my act together.

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Right before I fell asleep, I had a thought about the perfect end to the novel. At least, I hope it's the perfect end. It's writing easily, five hundred words in less than half an hour, it flowed so well. I need to get back to it, and I want to watch RotK:EE tonight and oh. So much to do and so little time to do it. So little money. Must stop talking now, until I'm in a better mood.

In linaelyn's journal itself, I found someone who could make me hungry with the descriptions of the food she's made, who makes homeschooling sound interesting and wonderful, who has at least one child who obsessively listens to Chumbawamba's "Tubthumping" which made me smile, who seems creative and friendly, a good parent, culturally aware, and a fantastic writer. I'm pleased that I had even this brief time to read about her life. It gave me hope, to see someone devoted to her family and yet still creative and involved with life and fandom and other adventures.

I'm not sure what I expected from the flist swap. It certainly wasn't to find someone with whom I had no friends or communities in common, but similar interests (and I don't actually mean livejournal interests), beliefs, and the same type of friends. I recognize the names of some of the people on her flist, and I not only wasn't lost, even in the fandom discussions, but I saw echoes of my own flist there, and topics I was interested in researching for myself. I found people to read and stories to write and beautiful icons and all sorts of treasures. I felt like a pirate, again, and an adventure seeker.

It was actually rather brilliant.

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Has anyone seen Young Einstein? I'm talking to kphoebe and when I told Jake where she was from, that's the first thing he thought about, followed by apples, and then Point Break. ("I'm not going to paddle to New Zealand.")

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What is the best thing in the world? Helping someone get unstuck on a story. Well, it may not be the very best, but it certainly feels like it right this second, and I know it's comparable to other best feelings, at the very least. This is why I love writing, because it's not just the act itself that is so enjoyable, but helping other writers, as well.

And I am INSPIRATIONAL! IN CAPS! Which made me grin and be giddy, just so you know, kphoebe.

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Speaking about helping others, I'm not sure how many of you have yuki_onna on your flist. She's doing a sort of fundraiser for moving expenses, with a percentage donated to tsunami relief funds, and is selling a serial novel, A Novel In Pieces. I've personally only read one short story by her, but it was an interesting vampire story, and her writing style is intriguing and, I think, heavily influenced by classical writing (in a good way, I know it can be a kiss of death to use that "heavily influenced" line in a review), and if you're so inclined, I wanted to provide a link so you can help. I may do it, if I can piece together the money.

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Isn't it great the things that remind people of you? Kelly made me giggle when she said she was reminded of me and my love of carnage when the instructor at her training thing said "blood spray" (and, all right, that's not an inconceivable way to remember me, considering I do like to write bloody horror).

And then lavenderjones made me happy and touched and teary when she said this:

A CHRISTMAS PICKLE!!! It was my first time seeing one, and my first time reading about one was recently in your story. I HAD to buy it! It is in a jar which is an ornament in itself, and then the pickle can sit in the jar, or on the tree alone. Every time I see it I'll be reminded of a woman with a talent for writing and the potential for greatness that most of us can only dream of.

*sniff*

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Tonight MB, Blake, Jake, and I played pool and had dinner at the new El Torero's restaurant. Pool was fun, though we're all fairly horrid at the game. (Well, not horrid, but not pool sharks, definitely.) It was a nice, relaxing evening, and we all had a good time. I'm glad we're friends with MB and Blake, and glad that Jake and my friends finally get along. Maybe next time M'Lee will not have to work at an insane time (in fact, I think she's now been at work half an hour) and will be able to join us.

Bat, MB loves my scarf.

That reminds me, I still need to do a catch up post. Maybe tomorrow. I'm thinking about doing an information post, as well, and I know I should warn everyone that there will be many extra posts over the next week, as I try to write. My goal is 10,000 words a day, Sunday through Saturday, but I know that's ridiculous and will never happen. Still, no sense in not aiming high.

I also owe a number of people comments on stories, and fear not, that will come.

In fact, I need to go get to reading right now, before bed.

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone had a splendid evening.

We didn't do much. kinayla came by for a little bit, but she's sick and has to work tomorrow, so she didn't stay long. theinvader stopped in on his way to work. misteraloha and I watched movies all day, cleaned a little, and talked a lot. It was actually very lovely. We watched the ball drop, watched the Central Time Zone celebration, and drank sparkling grape juice, because we had no champagne. I work tonight, 1.30 to 10, but then I'm off Friday, so more cleaning will commence.

Thank you for your phone call, thestalkycop. I hope you got my text message; I know we were having trouble with it earlier.

Much love to all of you. My bed is calling me soon.

May 2004 be so much greater than 2003 ever was.