Living a Life I Don't Know How to Live

Thanks to das_hydra for the gorgeous blue dragon and to aea and anonymous for the sparkly hearts. They made me clap and grin!

This evening I am trying to write horror that creeps me out as I write it. I don't always succeed (I am difficult to scare), but sometimes I manage it. Two different YA horror in progress, surely I can be creepy in one of them for a few hours before I do more legal work.

And finally, let the mantra begin: Why isn't it riding season yet?

This entry was originally posted at Dreamwidth.org with comments. Read the original post there. Comment here or there using OpenID.

das_hydra gave me words to talk about. (You, too, can give me words to talk about, or you can ask me for words.)

werewolves

I love werewolves.

I'm a horror fan in general, and also a fan of supernatural creatures in non-horror stories - supernatural adventures anyone? I love vampires, too, and adore zombie movies. (Though I'm not yet sold on zombies as romantic heroes.) Ghosts and demons and invisible monsters in trees - yes, I love horror.

But I really love werewolves.

The first horror movie I ever saw was The Howling. I was on the road with my dad and we stopped at a truck stop and watched it in the truckers' lounge. Dad doesn't remember this at all, or at least he said he didn't when Mom, Dad, and I were talking about it and how it started my love of horror. The Howling was made the year I was born, so I've very literally grown up with it.

As I got older, I started thinking about why I continue to love werewolves so much. I think part of the appeal is that I really understand having something inside which is at times uncontrollable and which can turn me into a real beast. I know multiple people who make the lycanthrope and bipolar comparison and I've always found it very apt for my situation. There's a monster lurking inside, a beast in my blood, and no matter how I try, sometimes I can't control it.

I love the idea of pack, too, of family that isn't blood, necessarily, but still a family. Of hunting together and building a home together and people working together to be safe and strong and protecting their territory.

Also, I am intrigued by strong senses. I used to call Jake a werewolf all the time (okay, I still sometimes do) because he hears so well and his sense of smell is frightening. I do not have great senses and I love spending the time thinking about what it would be like to hear so many things or to be able to smell such a bouquet of scents.

I love pine trees and full moons and fog and darkness. I love werewolves and werewolf stories and cycles of the moon and silver and physical transformations and monsters hidden inside and danger in the blood.

Dwayne

For those of you who don't know, Dwayne is one of the vampire characters from The Lost Boys. He pretty much never speaks (three times on his own and there's a group scene where they're all calling out someone's name) and basically stands around being dark and beautiful and shirtless and dangerous. Unf.

The actor is Billy Wirth and at the time he had long, black hair and a gorgeous, sculpted body and this wicked little smile. Add to that a motorcycle and going shirtless under a black leather motorcycle jacket and fangs (though fangs very oddly placed in the mouth) and I find that very, very hot.

I think I like the potential of the character the most. He doesn't say much, but he's in most of the vampire scenes, so there's a lot to extrapolate about what kind of character he would be and how he fits into the vampire group. As I mentioned above, I love the idea of groups as some sort of family, and though vampire groups are likely more involved around blood, it's in a different way than family means those to whom you are related by blood. (Actually, I have a rant about this for later. This reminds me.)

Plus, I believe I mentioned the hot.

bisexuality in fanfiction

In order to analyze bisexuality in fanfiction, I think you have to look to bisexuality in the source material and bisexuals are pretty much invisible everywhere. Even characters who could easily be shown as bisexual (Willow from Buffy the Vampire Slayer is an example which still bothers me - she's in love with Xander, she's in love with Oz, then suddenly she's in love with Tara and she's totally, totally gay. Not bisexual, but gay. There are many reasons this bothers me, from the way it seemed to invalidate the previous love for and attraction to men to the way it, again, removes bisexuality) are generally shown as either being completely gay or as experimenting before going back to being straight.

This is actually even worse in fanfic, I think. There's a huge section of fanfic-writing fandom that focuses on slash, typically boy slash, and the characters are frequently written as gay. Not bisexual, even if they have canon relationships with the opposite sex, but gay. This bothers me a lot.

definition of a strong woman

I don't really have an answer to this. I mean, there are things I love in women which I consider strong, but I don't think there's any one way to be strong. The kind of strength I like is both physical and mental - I love women who can physically kick ass and break things but I also like women who are vivacious, who have strong personalities and are full of life. I consider myself a strong woman most of the time, but I have weak moments and fail at things and am not always full of life. I think women who write well are strong. There are lots of ways to be strong.

What I think is important is not defining strength for anyone else - I think it might help to know how you, personally, define strength, but even that can change and grow - but in finding ways for people to show their strength or to learn their strength or to share it.

Well that was fun. Now back to my homework.

We got our box from das_hydra. It was fantastic! There was a great card in it, with her fantastic handwriting, and wonderful, fabulous presents. I'll take pictures of them later, I'm sure, but there was lots of Stitch! And Hawaii! She sent is a Hawaii cookbook, which J can't wait to use, and the Lilo & Stitch Island Favorites CD, which is fantastic, and these little Stitch and Cousins toys, and the big Naughty!Stitch I wanted! I was going to get one for myself, but they were out when I went, and I'm so glad I didn't, because this is fantastic! He's beautiful and has a new spot of honor on my Stitch display. Thank you so much, Elizabat! I can only hope you will love your presents as much as we love ours. Thank you, thank you, thank you!