Living a Life I Don't Know How to Live

So a friend of mine has a way of getting me hooked on reality tv shows. I almost never watch them on my own, but she got me watching Celebrity Apprentice (but mostly only with her, because I love our snarky comments) and now I'm watching The Biggest Loser, another show she watches and sometimes tells me about. I'm not watching it with her, so I'm not sure why I'm watching it, but I just finished my workout and am sitting down to finish an outline of a new short story.

I have some thoughts about Biggest Loser. I'm not sure I can keep watching it because of these thoughts. I'm sure other people have had these thoughts and I probably missed a lot of discussion when the show was new. Still, I have thoughts.

1) I absolutely hate all these people talking about how their loves -- particularly their love lives -- can't begin until they've lost the weight. This is bullshit, y'all. All these people talking about how they've never dated, they've never had lives, being fat has ruined their lives, etc. Yeah, I get that people who are happy being fat a) aren't going to be on the show and b) even if they are, anything positive they say will be edited out, but damn.

2) Actually, I'd like to read about more of the health issues of what this show does to contestants. I have some thoughts about it and the way it really isn't sustainable once they leave the ranch. Also, I know it's not actually about being healthier, etc., but about putting on a dramatic show. I mean, why else would they a) pretend to kick off two teams the night they get there, before they've ever even see the house? That's obviously not about "getting healthier" and "losing weight" but about getting viewers. Especially when they b) aren't really kicking them off but instead are sending them home to lose weight for a month and then come back, so they aren't really off the show. (Though I'm actually glad these two teams aren't off the show, because they're my two favorite teams so far.)

3) So I've never worked with a trainer, because hello, poor, but I'm pretty sure I don't want a trainer who is going to be snarky about my size. I am unimpressed with the trainers attitudes so far.

4) The show really wants to perpetuate the idea that if you're fat you know absolutely nothing about working out or being healthy. Because of course, you can't be fat and be working out hardcore on your own. This is also bullshit, y'all.

5) I love the getting the anger out with the boxing gloves and heavy bag thing. This is what I miss most about pre-law school life. (I've already found a boxing gym for when I move.)

Okay, I need to finish this outline, write the second draft of a proposal for one of my editors, and then do some more bar review.

ETA: seanan_mcguire talks about bra shopping and fat shaming and the Lane Bryant ad.

There's a cycle in superhero comics(1) which I am violently tired of seeing.

Step One: Someone (in this case, Misty Lee(2) in a podcast) says something along these lines, "usually, the strongest and loudest protest over sexy things come from ugly fat girls." Which is problematic and enfuriating for so many reasons.

Step Two: Someone (in this case, Tamora Pierce(4) in her blog(6)) responds in an articulate and often angry manner. Which is wonderful.

Step Three: Fans everywhere come out of the woodwork to prove that they are not "ugly fat girls" by showing pictures or mentioning their physical stats or whatever.

Hold up a minute.

How is that response any better than the original person calling them "ugly fat girls" in the first place?

Often people start calling for picture posts to prove they are not "ugly fat girls". This not only derails the argument into a discussion on whether or not the women in the pictures are ugly or fat or neither or both, but it also feeds into the idea that being ugly or fat is a bad thing.

Let me repeat that, because that's the point to this rant: When people make it a point to prove they are not "ugly fat girls" they are exacerbating the idea that being fat makes a woman ugly, or that being an ugly woman or a fat woman is bad.

Here are some of the responses I've seen to the statement that only "ugly fat girls" complain about the treatment and presentation of women in superhero comics. Yes, these are out of context and I haven't kept any names with them, for a reason. (Also, often they are paraphrased in order to keep the anonymity intact.)

+ post pictures so we can be our own "ugly fat girls" club (with deep and obvious sarcasm)
+ I'm (insert stats for socially acceptable beauty) and I'm a feminist
+ I'm no size four but my health stats are perfectly normal
+ so many pictures posted with some sort of statement like "See? I care and I'm not an ugly fat girl."
+ I get tired of being told that I'm ugly and fat just because I care.

So on and so forth.

Most of the time, I don't think people actually intend to come across like they must defend their true non-fat, non-ugly appearance, but that's how it does come across, especially when it happens so often and so close together. It just builds up and the overall statement I come away with is "So-and-so is wrong, we're not ugly fat girls, look at how beautiful we really are."

That's not the point, on so many different levels.

What does that say to the feminist fans who are "ugly fat girls"?(5) Are our opinions unwelcome because we can be used as proof in these smoke-screen arguments which detract from the actual problems?

Sometimes that's how it feels.

So while we're talking about how superhero comics (among other things) present a false image of female beauty, if we could stop buying into the idea that being fat and ugly, or even just being called fat and ugly, is a bad thing, that would be great. It would certainly do wonders for my temper.

Because damn it, I am fat, and I am ugly, and I am pissed.

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(1) And in other areas of fandom, but this is one I'm seeing over and over again lately, so this is the one I mention.

(2) No relation. Sometimes I dislike having such a common last name.(3)

(3) Yes, okay, all you Smiths can tell me I have no idea.

(4) As a young, impressionable child, I fell in love with her Song of the Lioness Quartet and then The Protector of the Small and then, practically everything she's ever written. Finding her blog online has just cemented how much I hero worship her.

(5) Do not step in here and try to tell me how non-fat or non-ugly I am. Obviously ugly/non-ugly is a completely subjective argument, and I am fully aware that people look at me and see ugly and non-ugly, depending. There is no saying I'm not fat. I am fat. I'm happy to be fat. Most important, rushing to tell me I'm non-fat and non-ugly actually fits right into the problem here, which is, by telling me I'm not those things, it makes being those things something bad, something to avoid.

(6) Seriously, though, go read what Ms. Pierce has to say. I love her response.